Wednesday, April 29, 2015

To my Future Daughter in Law

By: Samantha S. Daviss

Dear Future Daughter in Law,

I don’t know who you are, but I am excited to meet you one day and welcome you openly into our family. But only under two conditions…one that you love my son unconditionally; and two, that you accept and love our family as your own, and understand that once you are a part of our crazy, fun-loving, chaotic household, you are a part of it forever…so please don’t hurt him or us.

As his mother I was blessed to be a part of the “all boys mom club”. Which means I have done over 10,000 loads of laundry, been to about a million sporting events, and pinched my nose about a 1,000 times before entering their bedrooms.

It also means I was there when this tiny creature laid on my chest for the first time, I was there for his first steps, I was there at every bath time, I was there for his first (and numerous ER trips), and I was there for every single major life event.

This man that you are now willing to give your entire heart, soul and being to, captured mine the minute the doctor laid him in my arms. Actually before that, he had my soul the first time I felt him move in my womb.

This man you are about to share the rest of your life with is still and will always be my baby. Since the moment I had him, through the years watching him grow into the man he is today, I have dreamt about you. I have wondered what kind of woman you would be, what kind of person you would be, and hopefully what kind of mother you will be. But my one request is that you love him totally, completely, and fully. Don’t love part of him, or hate his quirks, or get irritated how he eats his cereal. Love him fully. Because all of those little habits make him the man you fell in love with.

And be honest with him, with yourself, and with each other. Don’t hurt him. If you aren’t happy, then discuss it; if you need more, then talk about it; or if some changes need to be made, then request them. Just please don’t ever be a coward and take the easy way out. You are about to make a promise to my baby, the little boy I still see in his T-ball uniform, the toddler I can still see with the scraped knees, and the teenager I can still see in his cap and gown.

I have been there for every step of his life, so now I am handing him over to you. I understand that now it will be your smile he looks for, your hand he reaches for, and your hugs he needs first. I am happily willing to relinquish my title and position to you; but under the condition of truth and honesty.

This man is handing you his everything. I have his past, while you have his future. So I ask of you to love him like I have loved him, care for him like I have cared for him, and trust him like I have trusted him, all the while allowing him the same from you.

Your Future Mother in Law

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

What we see….What they see….

By: Samantha S. Daviss

There is such an amazing bond between a mother and her babies. I really think that if a mother were separated from her baby by some awful tragedy, that both the mother and child would recognize each other instinctively, even after years apart.

But as mothers we are so hard on ourselves. We are always worried about aging, looking older, feeling older, not being the size we were pre-baby, or having stretch marks or even other various parts of our bodies that have changed because of child birth. But I wear my scars and changes with pride. 

On the surface yes I joke about putting things “back in place”, but deep down, I cherish the hundreds of stretch marks down the sides of my abdomen, and the other changes in my body, because I had a 7 lb. 10 oz., a 9 lb. 3 oz., and a 9 lb. 8 oz. baby boy to show for all my changes.

But our judgement on ourselves goes beyond just the changes in our bodies, it is a constant battle we fight everyday as women, to look better, be thinner, and emulate those ladies in the magazines. But there are a few little people in the world who really don’t care what we look like. To them, we are perfect from any angle.
-- They scar on our forehead from chicken pocks when we were kids, is their favorite thing to poke at when they are cuddled in our lap.
-- That extra little pooch to our stomach, is their little cushion they lay their heads on when watching TV with us.
-- Our deep “manly” voice is the voice they heard 24 hours a day for nine months while growing inside of us. It is the voice that sings or reads them to sleep every night.
-- They don’t recognize height either. Until they pass us up one day, and then their entire world is made because they are taller than mom. No matter your height you still give the best hugs, kisses, and booboo fixes.
--Not being put together every single day is okay with them, because they know that their mommy got down and dirty with them and played outside or drove them from activity to activity just to make sure they had all they needed in life.
-- They giggle when they see your chipped and unpolished toe nails. To us we are humiliated to go out in public with our new cute little sandals on, but to them it is another typical day of mom’s feet that are all chipped and tattered.
-- And even though it may not be the best or most expensive perfume on the market, it is the smell they know the best in this world. It is the scent you hug them with, you bend down to their level with and wipe away tears, and the smell they know when Daddy is taking Mommy on a date.
-- You may also hate your complexion, but it is the face they love to grab and squeeze and hold when they need a kiss, when they need to look into your eyes for encouragement, and the nose they love to rub with their own, just before running in the double doors to school.

As they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And it is a fact that our babies, our teens, and our children that are grown adults see no flaws in our appearance. In fact they see pride and joy, we are their parents. They see the sweaty mom sitting on the sideline for the third baseball game of the day in the 105 degree weather. They see the soaked, mascara-running, smile that is being drenched during the 6-hour long track meet, and they see the beautiful out-stretched arms that are there to encourage them just before the big annual state test they have to endure for two days.

So remember what you see staring back at you in the mirror is not what your baby sees. They see comfort, perfection, warmth and love. Don’t be so hard on yourself, we are all beautiful, flaws and all.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

They are there when you need them

By: Samantha S. Daviss

You know you have been blessed with some wonderful people in your life when they come sit with you in a stark, cold, and depressing hospital room watching as your IV fluids slowly drip into your veins. I recently had some minor health issues that landed me in the hospital overnight, but it is nothing life threatening.

There may be days, weeks, even months in between when we get to really hang out and spend time together because of kids, jobs, activities, travels, just everything that life hands your way…but you know they will always drop anything in a heartbeat to be there by your side when you are in true need of their help and support.

So I have to give a big shout out to my family and my girlfriends who checked on me via text or came to sit with me in the hospital while I waited to hear my results from the doctor. Two of these ladies were even so awesome as to dress me, and shuttle myself and my car home…since my poor husband was tied up at work.

But as they sat there talking to me, giggling about how bad I looked, and how crazy all of our lives are; I sat there smiling knowing that I was truly blessed to have these crazy girls in my life. They are all like sisters to me. They all bring different attributes to the table:

1)      There’s the Trauma nurse— who can jump start my heart at any minute, make me laugh, and reconnect my IV in a matter of 30 seconds. Plus she has been one of my closest friends since we were in diapers.
2)      Then there is my drug rep—she is the calm stable one who reminds me of what I need and what I don’t need to be doing, and always teases me about my dramatic flair. And always has a gentle giggle to lighten the mood of any situation.
3)      Then there is my type A teacher/counselor—who is always checking on me making sure I am ok, if she’s knows I’m sick, all the while planning and organizing all of our girls’ events with such precision and fluidity.
4)      And there is the Verbal Communicator—that manages to come up with a funny antidote for any and all situations that maybe happy or sad, and always keeps me grounded to see the other side of the coin.
5)      My giggler—No matter what we are talking about she makes me feel happy inside. She laughs at everything I say, but just to hear her laugh…brightens my day every single time.
6)      Then there’s my Tin Man—the friend who has been there for me through it all. The ups, the downs, the tears and the smiles. She knows me inside and out, and always allows me to be the emotional one, while she is my non-emotional, non-boat rocking Tin Man. We are each other’s Yin to the other’s Yang.

No matter how many or how few friends you have in your life. Some may be your inner circle, and some may be people that you love to see, and every time you do, they make your day complete. I’m not saying these are the only friends in my life that have any value to me, because I feel extremely blessed. I have had a life filled with some amazing people. Some have been in my life for decades, and some I am just now really getting to know and are blessed to have in my circle.

But regardless of where your friends sit in your life, they all bring something to the table that contributes to your life in a way that makes you a little more sane, a little happier, a little more hyper, and a little calmer…all at the same time.

I think my biggest joy in life would be for people to stand at my funeral and prattle on about crazy stories they have from me, or memories that make them laugh. I want people to know that once your my friend no matter how close or far (figuratively or literally) I will “go to the mattresses” for you every single time.

So I just hope that at some point in everyone’s life they have that one, two, or three friends that they know will “go to the mattresses” for them any day of the week.