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Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My Cup Runneth Over

In the Tree House:  Mom’s Cup Runneth Over
By: Samantha S. Daviss

For the second year in a row we sent our oldest son off to summer camp. It was the same camp I went to as a kid, so I know it is fantastic and he has a blast while he is there. The thing I love most about sending him there is we get to hear great stories from him year-round, until we are ready to pack his trunk up again for the next summer.

As a mother of three boys, I know there is a fine line that I have to walk, especially as they get older. I can’t slobber my kisses all over them, or hug them in public, or hold their hand for fear of utter humiliation on their part. God forbid mom gets to show any affection to her baby boy in front of “the guys”. But I get it, I really do; and sometimes my husband has to reign me in and tell me to stop smooching all over him, because he’ll never hear the end of it.

But I still know that no matter how old he gets, he still loves dear old mom. It’s the times that we build a fort together in the middle of the living room and crawl underneath to talk about his day or to talk about him leaving for camp and all the fun and exciting things he is going to get to do. It’s the times that we go out on our special one-on-one “dates” just to have a little “us” time; and he hates it when I call them dates, but at the end of our dinner and movie together, he tells me he had a great time.

But the ultimate sign that I know he truly does love dear old mom, no matter how big he gets, is when he is sitting on the bus that is about to whisk him away to camp and two fun-filled weeks of excitement; and he finds a seat by the window to sit and wave to me and give me our secret hand signal for “I love you” until the bus pulls out of the parking lot.

As we all sit in the parking lot in angst of loading the kids on to the bus, I watch all the mothers of girls run around fixing their hair, tightening their hair bows, climbing on to the bus to take pictures of them sitting in their seats with their camp friends; and I sit there and wonder just how far my son would have to crawl under the seat, if I climbed on his bus to take pictures of him and his buddies, to avoid the total and complete humiliation he just had to endure by his “dorky” mom.

But even though I am “not allowed” by virtue of the ‘Boy Code’ to humiliate, show too much affection, or annoy my sons in any way…essentially I have to remain calm, cool, and collected around my boys and their friends for the remainder of my life, showing no emotion whatsoever—it’s okay, because I know in my heart of hearts, that I am and always will be the first true “girl love” in their life.

And I can only hope that one day my boys find the kind of happiness in their marriage or relationships that I have found in my marriage; and I know that those girls will be the luckiest girls in the world if my boys love them even half as much as they love me and I love them.

People always ask me if I was disappointed that I never had a girl, and my response always is…”God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave me my three boys”.

So you see, even though boys’ love for their moms is slightly a bit more subtle than a girls’ love and affection; it’s the little signs you have to look for which make you appreciate their affection even that much more.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

In the Tree House: Golf Balls and Mayonnaise

In the Tree House: Golf Balls and Mayonnaise

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

As most of you know 99% of my writings are my own original thoughts or works. But every once in a while I run across an article I read or an email I received, and albeit that you too have more than likely read or seen them yourselves, I just have to share these thoughts.
This is an email, which I have seen several times, but like I say “It’s an oldie, but a goody”.
The message is clear, but the contents of your “jar” will obviously vary from each other’s; however, the important thing is to recognize and center your life around your “golf balls”, but always remember to make time for your beer.

Mayonnaise Jar & Two Beers...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are
not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.

He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured their entire
contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this
jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your
friends and your favorite passions--- and if everything else was lost and only they
remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

And the sand is everything else---the small stuff. I personally see this as all the stuff that you shouldn’t lose sleep over at night. What someone else thinks of you, what someone else is doing...things that shouldn’t take space up in your life, just nonsensical fillers.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles
or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities.  Like I said the rest is just sand, nonsensical space in your life.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the two beers represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers with a friend.

****************************************************************************
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS... IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN, and not worrying about getting wet, messing up your hair or your clothes; that is what a dryer is for.

I know it’s easier said than done to live life to its fullest, every single day...but at least enjoy life to its fullest every single day. I say, grab that jar full of golf balls, and just shake ‘em up, enjoy them and then go play a round with them. Because one of these days, those golf balls will all roll away, and you won’t know what happened to them if you don’t pay them the right amount of attention.

Live your life your way, on your terms, and quit worrying so much about what others are doing or think of you.

Like I said...enjoy YOUR life, not just life, but YOUR life. It’s the only one you’ve been given...so learn to live it!

What you should know by 35

In the Tree House: At 35, You Should Know…

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

So to conclude my thoughts on life, and what you should “Have done by…” and should “Know by…35”. This list again is more inspiration from the article I read than the actual verbiage.  It was more or less my springboard into allowing me to collect and write down, from my life’s experiences, what you should know by the time you are 35…

At 35, you should know….
1)      How to love another, without completely losing yourself, and changing who you are for that person.
2)      That  you are a good person, no matter how much someone cuts you down to size. Be confident in who you are.
3)      Is that just because a “friend” or a “spouse” walks out of your life, you are still a good person. There are two sides to every story, yes, but sometimes relationships just end.
4)      Not to believe everything you hear. If you feel that a story or rumor about someone is false, then my theory is to always go straight to the horse’s mouth and ask the truth before you start believing what you hear. Because 99% of the time, the truth has been twisted or falsified.
5)      Exactly how you feel about having kids, and are honest with your partner about it.
6)      How to quit a job (with dignity and without burning bridges), break up with the opposite sex (without completely crushing them), and confront a friend about an issue (without destroying the friendship).
7)      When to try harder and when to walk away. This goes back to the old saying “If you love them, set them free; if it’s meant to be, they will return”.
8)      The names of the Secretary of State, your great-grandmothers, and the best coffee shop and bakery in town.
9)      How to live alone, even if you don’t like it.
10)   How to work outside the family business, before being groomed to take it over. It is so important to have worked for yourself or in the corporate world before working for family. You need to know that you are able to stand on your own two feet, independently.
11)   That even though your childhood might not have been perfect or ideal, it’s OVER!
12)   What category everyone in your life falls into; meaning, knowing who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.
13)   That everyone lives their lives differently than you, and not to judge, but accept and move on. You may not agree, but then again, they may not agree with your lifestyle choices either.
14)   That you shouldn’t have to apologize for something you didn’t do, or isn’t your fault. Be strong, but don’t be stubborn.
15)   Where to go when your heart, mind and soul need cleansing—be it your best friend’s kitchen table, a yoga mat, or a long hike into the hills.

These are just a few points that I have gathered from my time here on Earth. You may completely disagree, or one or two of them my spark a thought in your mind. But remember, the most important thing you need to know about your entire life is…to be true to yourself. Don’t rely so much on outside comments, influences, or actions to determine what you want from life and what you know is right for you.

In the Tree House: Boys will be boys…

In the Tree House: Boys will be boys…

By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

Well ol’ mom is standing out in the wings once again. If you don’t already know by now, I have three boys, three male dogs, my husband…and then there is me (and the bunny rabbit too, but the jury is still out on whether it is a girl or boy…I am claiming her to be a girl).

So if you have ever had a boy, they go through the “Daddy only phase”. Our oldest son did it. Only Daddy could hold him, play with him or be with him. And now, well now, our middle son is going through this wonderful phase.

I say this all in jest, but it makes lowly old mom feel like a cooking, feeding, cleaning apparatus. When Daddy is home from work, Mommy doesn’t exist. Which when I watch them together it melts my heart, but I can’t even change his diaper, or put him down for his nap or bathe him or anything. So in my mind, I really don’t take it personally, but it kind of makes me laugh when I gave him life, I fed him, and clean him, and do his laundry, I clean up after him…and nothing.

So to all you moms out there who have ever experienced (or are experiencing) this…”This too shall pass”, I promise; I’ve been through it once. And as much as it kills you, or your little green envy monster starts to surface, just remember…they are and will forever be your baby boy. And remember, when you first gave them life, you were the only one they wanted to be held by, fed by, and loved by. So I guess you could say turnabout is fair play.

Therefore, with this new realization in our household, I sat with my 13 month old the other day and we had a really long talk together. Since he is the baby and our last, he and I decisively (unbeknownst to him really) came to the conclusion that he isn’t going to grow any more, learn to talk, or go to college either. He will be my little baby forever.

And the other phase our middle one has entered is a wee bit of separation anxiety. And by a “wee bit”, I mean standing out in the front yard with our sitter, while I head out to work, and chasing my car three yards away in his little PJs. Now tell me that doesn’t make you feel like the worst mother?

Or my favorite is when he sees me straightening or curling my hair in the morning, he says “I go too momma, I go to work too.” And he runs to his closet to get his little shoes on. But the worst is, once you maneuver your way out of the house, with the distraction of sending him to the backyard to play, or saying you’re taking the trash out; and then he realizes you’re gone and you can hear his blood-curdling scream from three blocks away.

But then, when grandma comes to take him to go swimming or to see a choo choo (a train), and then he is just fine being apart from Mommy and Daddy.

Little minds absolutely fascinate me. When people have said in the past that at this stage of their lives the world revolves around them, they weren’t kidding. All the stories, anecdotes, giggles, and smiles, are what make all the sleepless nights, broken lamps, and scratched walls ludicrous points.

So as a mom, I have so many funny stories of survival (for myself) to tell, but to me, my life is just one big happy ending. And I am grateful everyday that I have these little people in my life to spice it up just a little bit every single day.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I was Raised, I didn't Just Grow Up....


In the Tree House: I was Raised…I didn’t just Grow up!
By: Samantha Stroube Daviss

As I have become more involved in the throes of motherhood, I am noticing a huge difference in this generation, and my generation, and even that of my parents’ and my grandparents’.
Now I am not going to sit here and talk about how I had to walk barefoot for 10 miles to get to school, or how cell phones didn’t even exist, and when they finally did come out they were either carried in a bag or the size of my backseat…but I am going to talk about kids’ attitudes and expectations.
What got me thinking on this was my girlfriend put a post on Face Book, asking other mothers if we made our kids pick up their toys, or if we did it just to get it over and done with, and done our way. And even though I didn’t respond, it really got my brain thinking…I am guilty of both. I would say half the time, I require that my kids pick up their messes, no matter the outcome or if it is put away to my standards; I am trying to instill some sort of self-respect and responsibility into my kids, by requiring them to care for their things. But, then there are those days, that I am on a mission, and I just want it picked up, and put away in its proper place.
But what got me thinking was I think we “my generation” (the late 20s, 30-somethings, and 40-somethings) do way too much for our kids, and don’t expect enough out of them. When I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to go outside, watch TV or play with my friends until all of my chores were completed.
And that is where our downfalls are; I think as parents (and I am guilty of it too so please don’t think that I am pointing any fingers, because if I am, just remember I have three more pointing back at myself) that in an age where we are always in a rush, on the go, and not connecting as families the way we used to; the lack of responsibility placed on our children, lies on our shoulders.
This leads me to this great clip that I recently ran across…
I was raised, I didn’t just grow up. I was taught to speak when I entered a room, say please and thank you, and to have respect for my elders. To get up off my lazy butt and let the elder in the room have my chair, say yes sir and no sir; while lending a helping hand to those in need. Hold the door for the person behind me, say excuse me when it’s needed, and to love people for whom they are, not for what I can get from them. I was also taught to treat people the way I want to be treated. 



As I began to pick this phraseology apart, I started to feel an ache inside of me. It makes me sad to watch this generation, our future, fall apart, and fail at living and respecting mankind. 

Not only is it so important for children to speak when spoken to and to initiate a greeting to a fellow peer or to an adult, for the sake of pure manners; but it bodes well on their families and their upbringing; all the while teaching them how to survive in the “real world” as adults. If you are going to make it in any aspect of the working world, you have to know how to speak and connect with other people, and how to show them respect.
“Do unto others; as you would have them do unto you.”
It’s pretty simple, and cuts down to the bone. Treat those, the way you want to be treated. Especially the elders in your life, and in society for that matter. They have earned it…most of them have survived numerous wars, the Great Depression, countless presidents, and an ever changing economy. So like it says, get off your lazy butt and show them a little respect. Because, one day, we will all be in their shoes and it would certainly be nice if some “young whipper snapper” got out of their seat so you could rest your weary bones.
And this one is my pet peevs…look someone straight in the eye, say your greeting while offering a firm handshake. That is Manners 101…it’s not hard, it’s dignified and respectful of the person you are talking to. Male or female, say hello and shake their hand. No one person is better than anyone else on this planet; so acknowledge everyone’s existence. And in addition to acknowledging someone, that goes hand in hand with recognizing their presence. So be sure you are not so absorbed into your own life and own daily routine, that you are unaware of that person right behind you or getting off the elevator with you…hold the door for them.
And the last point that truly rings the loudest in my mind. Love people for who they are, not what you can get from them. Don’t stay with someone, or choose them over another activity just because you may get a “sweeter deal” out of that person. Be with them because you want to, because you love them, and for what they can teach you. Not for what they can give you.
Human kindness really is pretty simple; but raising kids is the toughest thing you will ever have to do. Because who they are is a reflection of who you are. When I became a mother, I always told myself, that if my grandkids come to visit me, send me cards on my birthday, and love me unconditionally, and are just truly good people to their core; then that means I was a good mother. Because I taught my kids well, which in turn lead to another great generation.