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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

I got this...mom thing



Well it’s official, I have encountered every stage of life with my three boys. I have always been one of those moms that has enjoyed each stage of their lives. I loved being pregnant, I love babies, I love toddlers, I love the pre-teen years, and now I am facing the teen years. Those are probably the most challenging for me, on so many levels. I don’t want his heart broken, the attitude can be checked at the door in my opinion, but deep down he is a good kid, in fact they all are, so I know I will survive the teen years too.

But now I am truly in the thick of the whole head tilt “oh, my you have three boys, well God Bless You”, reaction. Yep, I get it now.

I will start from the bottom up. We had just moved into our new house about a month ago, and my youngest was inside laughing and hollering out my name. And I said “Where are you”, and all I got in return was “In here”. So I said “Where in here”. And to my dismay, I heard “In the “watching machine Momma”.  Let me preface this with the fact that I treated myself to a new washer and dryer set, the really big gorgeous ones with the huge drums in them. I decided that my 19 year-old machines could be retired. Even though they were still working great, I felt they needed to be retired, and I moved up to machines that could keep up with my massive laundry loads.

So I off course rounded the corner, and saw his sweet little face smiling and laughing from inside my new dryer. Not only had he opened the door, but he managed to close it too; but in the meantime he had been considerate enough to take his little tennis shoes off and leave them on the floor outside the machine. I know I shouldn’t have laughed, but it was the funniest thing ever. But of course I was the responsible mom and pulled him out of the dryer and told him all the dangers involved. And he said “I sorry Momma, but you laughed”. So I had to explain to him again not to do that again, and I quietly reminded myself, never to let them see you smile…they are always one step ahead.

And the middle one. He is my negotiator. Every time he gets corrected or reprimanded he always has a justification for it. He amazes me. At 40 years old, I am constantly finding myself stumped by my 5 year-old’s remarks and retaliations. But again, I remind myself not to laugh, and I have to explain to him why he is wrong, even though he makes awesome points. But this little guy is a 5-year-old trapped in a 35-year-old body. He fits in great with his older brother’s friends, he can hang with them on the basketball court, and he is tough as nails. But he doesn’t take much punishment or harassment from anyone. He is constantly the picked on  little brother, so when he retaliates it’s huge, understandably so.

With that said, he and his little brother were picking at each other one day, and the little one kicked him in the leg, and so the middle one turned and clocked him in the eye. So to add insult to injury, the little one’s ear was already swollen, red, and droopy from a spider bite the day before, and now his eye was swollen shut. While the middle one was still overcoming a facial injury from running into a metal table.

It truly looked like a war zone on my children’s faces.

But the last scenario I have recently had to deal with is my oldest. His school, with permission of parents, went through the mini-course of “Worth the Wait”. Teaching kids all about abstinence, STDs, and babies having babies.

The day they learned about STDs was my most favorite conversation I have ever had with this kid. He gets in the car after school a little perplexed. I asked what was wrong. He told me they learned about STDs. I laughed and said “They are pretty gross, huh?”.

“Yea mom, they are disgusting. I will never be able to get those images out of my head”. And in my mind I am jumping for joy, “Yes! Something got his attention. Hopefully this will all be burned into his little brain”.

And then he asked me if I knew what AIDS were, and I giggled and said yes. “Unfortunately, my generation was the one that was growing up when AIDS was of such hot concern and issue back in the late 1908s”. And with that he shook his head, realizing his mom wasn’t so old or out of it.

But the next question was the best. “So you know how gross STDs are, I mean have you seen the pictures?” I nodded with understanding. “So do you have one or a lot of them?”

I think my Dr. Pepper sprayed across my car at that moment in time. I couldn’t help to not laugh, but also be a little offended of the vision my son had of me. But mainly, I laughed. And once I composed myself again, I explained to him that I did in fact NOT have an STD, but thanks for asking.

So you see, in my house with nothing but boys and lots of testosterone, there is absolutely never a dull moment.

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